What Would Stifler Do? (American Pie/Road Trip)

My head is thumping. It started in the middle of the night, waking me up to severe pain behind my left eye. I groaned my way to the kitchen and took a couple of Paracetamol, but 20 minutes later, I was still feeling like an antelope was trying to give birth in my cranium.

I finally got back to sleep after a little dry heaving.

Eight hours later, things have calmed down, but bending over feels like a blunt instrument to the head.

What caused all this discomfort?

Moving my PlayStation over to the other TV and then straining my eyes to see it.

Rookie mistake.

Let’s talk about Stifler…

The Philosophy Of Stifler (Road Trip & American Pie)

I re-watched Road Trip the other day, and it was funny. -I noticed with fresh eyes just how liberated the Stifler character is.

Seann William Scott [Wiki] played a bunch of similar roles in the 90s and 2000s, but I guess American Pie is the most famous of them all.

In fact, the name Stifler is actually from American Pie. He was called E.L. Faldt in Road Trip.

Anyway, it got me wondering what my life would be like if I challenged myself to be more like Stifler.

In the most critical moments, instead of trying to do the right thing, what if I simply asked,

What would Stifler do?

Unexpectedly profound, right?

I mean, if you think about it, Stifler is completely unprohibited and goes with the flow.

Anybody who’s read Eastern Philosophy would appreciate his unforceful nature. He sees and creates no boundaries (besides his own desire to have fun).

And Stifler never feels responsible for anything!

That said, I’m not sure what would happen to Stifler in his middle years.

How does he manage a full-time job? Shitty work colleagues? And a mortgage?

Maybe he gets a job as a Holiday Rep somewhere and spends the rest of his life hitting on holidaymakers.

I feel we need a follow-up.

Either way, I thought it was an interesting idea: when in doubt, consider what Stifler would do.

What Would Stifler Do? The Quiz

Let’s go over some scenarios to see what leaves we can take out of Stifler’s book.

Here are three situations with increasing difficulty for you to consider. You can answer the questions in the comments or alone.

Here we go.

Question 1.
Stifler’s hairline reaches my own, and he’s starting to look less like a young James T. Kirk and more like a young Jean-Luc Pickard. [Both Wiki]

What would Stifler do?

Option A: Fashion a comb-over
Option B: Tattoo on a new hairline
Option C: Leave it to grow out unashamedly

Question 2.
Stifler has missed the last train home and doesn’t have a penny to his name (only his now useless Train Ticket). It is a 2-hour walk home.

What would Stifler do?

Option A: Take money out of a nearby charity box to pay the cab fare home (never paying it back)
Option B: Sleep in a local park and face the world in the morning
Option C: Hitch for a ride and make friends with the driver

Question 3.
Stifler is abducted by Aliens who offer him an invisibility cloak, a date with their Queen, or the chance to end world hunger.

What would Stifler do?

Option A: Invisibility Cloak
Option B: Date with Alien Queen
Option C: End World Hunger

—-
Well, my headache’s subsiding so it’s time for me to get back to the housework.

By the way, never send food back at a restaurant.

Copyright: oldcynic.com
Road Trip is distributed by DreamWorks Pictures
American Pie is distributed by Universal Pictures
Image used by way of review