Salmon Loki, Empires and Puzzles Review (Updated)

There were high-fives all ’round when the mad scientist at Empires and Puzzles finally finished their latest creation. Salmon Loki was the perfect head-scratcher; a 5-star Hero more pointless than Morris the Miner.

It caused quite a stir among the E&P fanbase, but the fish wasn’t for cooking.

So who is Salmon Loki the Fish? Why the name? Why a salmon? … and is he really as bad as everybody says he is?

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Caveat: This post contains gameplay speculation and personal opinion. It may also contain adult comedy, sarcasm, and Human error. It is not advice and is solely for entertainment and informational purposes.

A significant update has been added to the bottom of this review, however, the review itself is based on Salmon Loki’s former persona. Because it was humorous just how bad he was… Skip to Update?

Salmon Loki’s Element, Class, Special Skills, Passives & Talents

Salmon Loki is a season 3 (Valhalla) Hero. Here’s his info:

Element: Dark (Purple)

Class: Druid

Mana Speed: Average

Special Skills: 1) Deals 225% to all holy enemies. 2) For 3 turns, the element of all enemies is changed each turn. On the first 2 turns the element is random. 3) On the last turn, enemies revert to their original element. 4) After each element change, enemies take 126 damage if their element is Holy.

Talent: COMPANION ~ +15% chance to summon a Thorn Minion after receiving any damage. The effect is applied at the end of the turn.

Is Salmon Loki worth Levelling? (Empires and Puzzles)

So much has already been said about Salmon Loki that it’s hard to avoid going over the same ground.

He would have had it easier as a Funfair prize.

Then he would have seen the joy in some kid’s eyes, from the inside of his tiny clear plastic bag. And that’s more than he’ll ever get from any E&P player.

Sure, there’s no proper fish tank waiting for him, no healthy fish food, and no oxygenated water, but at least there’s love.

Love, and eventually, confusion.

Because when that fishy finally succumbs to his woefully poor living conditions and floats to the surface, that kid is gonna be confused.

Why is “Freddy” floating? Why didn’t he eat the bread I gave him yesterday? Is he still alive?

“Look, he moved a little when I nudged him with my finger!”

And that’s all a child needs; a biological reflex, a flip and a flop, the smallest sign of life. -Because in the mind of a child, there’s always hope.

And so he gets to thinking, “I know, I’ll flush Freddy down the loo, so he can go to the sea”.

“…then he’ll get to see his family again…”

I imagine, in that child’s mind, he holds onto a sincere longing for Freddy to once again witness the sun’s light, flash across the face of an endless sea.

Bye-bye, Freddy, my dearest friend.

Not for Salmon Loki though. Nothing so beautiful.

Instead, he’s reviled.

No, is the answer to your question, if you’re still here.

Salmon Loki shouldn’t be fully ascended.

He shouldn’t see the sun. He should just sit on your bench, inside a fish bowl, for the whole of eternity.

Is Salmon Loki the Worst Hero in Empires & Puzzles?

It’s never a good sign when nobody knows what you do.

I used to work with a few people who had me asking the same questions: Why are you here? Why do they pay you? Why were you born?

And Salmon Loki is exactly the same; nobody knows what to do with him.

I guess we should take a look at his CV and try to figure this thing out…

Firstly, he’s an Average speed Hero. And for that, he deals 225% damage to all Holy enemies.

So… don’t go Holy-strong against him.

Then, he starts changing the enemies’ elements, over 3 turns. And I don’t know why.

At first, I thought, he changes them to Holy so he can slap them or something.

But nope.

However, he does damage them for 126 if they happen to land on Holy during this shakeup (or if they’re Holy anyway … I think).

And that’s it. The entire show. -Salmon Loki hates Holy and refuses to focus on anything else.

Not great for a 5-Star Hero.

Sad, that’s what it is.

Sad for the Salmon, and sad for everyone who pulls him. I don’t know what else to say.

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Salmon Loki: The Clown Fish Prince

My final thoughts:

Loki is the God of Mischief in Norse mythology (according to Google…. ’cause I don’t know).

He’s a shapeshifter and has appeared as a Salmon, a mare, a fly, and an elderly woman. So this fish thing is all about folklore (which I’m sure many of you already know).

In fact, the whole of Season 3 seems to be locked into this Norse folklore thing.

But refocusing on Salmon Loki, it’s worth noting, that I see no benefit in playing him. At all.

Maybe I’m missing some niche use for him, but I think the fish is for cooking after all.

To be absolutely clear though: DO NOT FEED THE FISH because it’ll really hurt if they end up buffing him later on!

(Wouldn’t you know it…)

Salmon Loki’s Redemption (Buff)

Updated 15th Sept 2023:

I originally wrote an additional review about Salmon Loki’s first buff. But of course, the Devs went on to buff him again, which I did not review!

In light of Salmon Loki’s apparent inclusion in the upcoming Fated Summons, and for clarity’s sake, I’ve decided to remove what I had here, although I will leave details of his promotion from Meek to Warrior following the first buff.

I hope to write a post about the upcoming Fated Summon where I’ll offer an opinion on the current version of Salmon Loki compared to his competitors on the list.

You will find that post when it arrives, with all my other Fated Summon Countdowns, here.

For now, here is Salmon Loki’s Special Skills, followed by his field upgrade:

Special Skills: 1) Deals 225% 250% to all Holy enemies. 2) For 3 turns, the element of all enemies is changed each turn. On the first 2 turns the element is random. 3) On the last turn, enemies revert to their original element. 4) After each element change, enemies take 126 484 528 damage if their element is Holy.

Salmon Loki will now receive a preliminary upgrade, the first of its kind at the Old Cynic.

(Please stand)

Instead of Meek, from here on out, Salmon Loki will be considered, a Warrior.

Old Cynic’s Hero Grade: Warrior

Grade Revised

[Please always check in-game Hero Cards to confirm details and never chase Heroes]

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Images used by way of review/tutorial – Copyright owned by Empires & Puzzles: Small Giant Games