I’m Getting Old! 8 Steps To Codgerhood

I’m in my early forties. Not gonna be more precise because I’m in complete and utter denial.

I don’t even count my birthdays anymore; I only count gifts.

Ageing is the first and most fundamental drawback of existence, that and crowded places.

When I started selecting the 40+ group in apps, it finally dawned on me that I was getting older.

Well, there were other signs, and we’re here to discuss them.

Put the kettle on, sit in your cosy chair, zoom in on the text, and let’s begin!

1. Doctor Offers Age as Diagnosis

A couple of years ago, I thought there was something wrong, so I went to the Doctor. However, to my surprise (because I’ve always been 30 in my head) the Doc told me that I’m…

“just getting older”.

He was so cavalier about it, too, like I should have known.

But how am I supposed to remember, in between working and living, that my biological mech is monitoring the mileage in accordance with Time?

It was a shocking update to process.

Then, not too long afterwards, I discovered I needed Reading Glasses!

When Healthcare professionals start using your age as a diagnosis, it’s a clear sign you’re getting older.

2. Knackered for Days Afterwards (Getting Older)

I’ve been exercising my entire life. From 13 up until my late 30s, I was banging out 100+ press-ups every morning as a matter of course.

I still love working out, but something has changed.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve needed more recovery time, and I’m more likely to pick up silly injuries.

It’s not just exercise, either. I can’t do 12-14-hour days any longer without feeling proper knackered the next day.

And it’s the same with alcohol consumption!

Anything that’s remotely taxing has the potential of making me feel pretty fatigued the next day.

[Of course, there are medical explanations for low energy in males generally, and testosterone levels may be a relevant factor. However, I am not a Doctor, so please see yours if you have concerns.]

3. Time Flies The Older I Get

When I was a kid, I watched this TV Show about the nature of time and how our brains perceive it.

Yes, while other children were out playing Tag, [Wiki] I was struggling with the meaning of life.

For wrong or for right, the concept I learned has always stayed with me.

In short, our minds slow down new events as they occur. That is to say, our brain makes it appear as if time is moving slower as it responds to new input.

To me, it makes perfect sense.

So, every time we experience something new, time appears to slow.

Fantastic, until you hit about 28.

At which point, you find yourself crying:

“Vanity of vanities; all is vanity!”

[Ecclesiastes 1: 2]

Because once you’ve covered the basics, there’s not much more to know. ~So time starts whizzing by like a monkey on a tricycle.

And to make it worse, the older you get, the more you’re drawn to simple and comforting things…

Meaning, even less new input!

When I grew up in Hackney, London, in the 80s, anything could happen.

As things stand now, firing up Twitter or taking a holiday are about the most adventurous things I could do.

People often ask, “Where does the time go?”.

Well, you got older, and your brain got bored and said, “f#*k it”.

4. Rocking and Rolling Into Motion (Older But Wiser)

At some point, maybe 3 or 4 years ago, I started leaning back to go forward.

That may sound counterproductive to some kid with quick-firing, auto-responsive muscles and whatnot.

But someday, you’ll discover that it’s actually peak wisdom to lean back in your chair before getting up.

Here’s how it works:

Step 1. – Release your stomach muscles so that your torso can flop onto itself.

Step 2. – At the same time, gently tilt your pelvic floor forward.

Step 3. – Allow gravity to ease you back into your seat until your lower back is bent like a cat stretching.

Step 4. – This is the pivotal juncture! At this exact moment, you must re-engage all of the above-mentioned muscle groups for a split second.

Step 5. – Now, leaning forward and into the swing, incorporate the upper thighs and calves.

Step 6. – Stand aloft like the amazing erect chimp that you are! Congratulations.

5. New Trends Are Confusing

Look, I don’t wanna be the guy who slags off the generations that came after.

However, I take serious issue with some things that have happened recently.

For one, these kids are using apps in Dark Mode.

And they’re acting like it’s normal!

After reading off a black screen, I end up crying like I just diced up an onion, praying to god that my vision comes back.

Another thing, there really needs to be a public awareness day for these kids in school. ~Someone needs to tell them to put their phone away when crossing the road!

We had the King of the Road Hedgehog, [YouTube] but then, we weren’t getting high on company time.

These kids are walking around getting dopamine fixes like they’re popping Cola Bottles from the tuck shop!

Put the crack pipe phone down, fella.

On a brighter note, I recently saw some of the younger generation wearing 90s clothing, and that’s a fantastic step in the right direction.

It was a group of teenagers looking like they could’ve been Backup Dancers in a Backstreet Boys video.

A great turn of events. Maybe they’ll start selling more 90s gear now.

6. Harder to Finish What I Started / I Can’t Please Everybody

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to finish what I started.

I had so much enthusiasm as a young man. But now I’m rocking and rolling before I get up and squinting to read the small print.

It’s not the same energy.

Take this post, for example. It’s entitled “…8 Steps To Codgerhood”.

But here we are at 6, and I’m seriously considering calling it a day.

-This might disappoint you, but that leads me neatly onto my final point.

One of the last signs of getting older is truly coming to understand that you can not please everybody, no matter what you do.

I find it better to lean into that fact. Because lord knows, the older you get, the less people will be able to please you.

Old Cynic Life, November 16th, 2024

My final thoughts:

OK, I’m back.

Always wanted to say that like the Livestreamers do after a loo break.

Just off to do something extremely private, please talk among yourselves and turn down the volume.

To round off this post, I should say that getting older is a fact of life, especially if you value longevity.

I remember being 18 or so, imagining what I’d be like in my 40s, and my vision and current person are not too dissimilar.

While my position in the world is not what I expected it to be, the person I am inside isn’t far off.

I’m sure some readers might consider me still a baby, and I do try to keep a youthful mind.

However, at some point in our journeys, we begin to see slow degradation rather than rapid growth, which represents an incredible shift in paradigm.

Copyright: oldcynic.com