Balur Empires and Puzzles HotM December 22

Balur Empires and Puzzles Hero Card

Balur is the Empires and Puzzles December 2022 Hero Of The Month (HotM), and thank the lord they released him this way, coz I already got this thing down based on his Beta data. And yes, this Hero is about as useful as dial-up is to Netflix, or Fax is to phone-***!

Lock the doors and turn off the lights, coz this fool is about to get rinsed!

This post may contain speculation, personal opinion, and adult comedy. It is not advice and is solely for entertainment and informational purposes.


Balur‘s Stats and Special Skills (Hero Of The Month)

Key Facts: Ice (Blue), Average, Fighter, Legends 2022

Special Skills (Double Flail Mayhem): 1. Deals 450% damage to the target. 2. The target receives 252 Bleed damage over 3 turns. 3. [Element Link] All Ice allies are immune to new Fiends for 4 turns (can not be dispelled).

Passive: 1. RESIST ATTACK AILMENTS ~ This character has innate resistance against Status Ailments that affect attack. 2. HEAL ON BLEED ~ This Hero regenerates 20 HP each time an enemy receives Bleed damage.

Talent: Revive ~ +30% chance to revive with 1 HP after a fatal attack. The revive is applied at the end of the turn.

Legends 2022 Family Bonus: 1/2/3 Heroes: +10%/+15%/+20% attack. Bonus for 2+ Heroes: Element Link affects all allies.

Balur Empires and Puzzles Hero Card Detail
Balur – Empires and Puzzles Hero Card

Balur Vs. Old Cynic

You gotta admit it, I got Klaern pretty bad. But Balur feels different; like an open invitation to Roast him.

And it makes me a little suspicious.

Got me stepping back and surveying the scene like, “is this guy really that bad?”. Is he hiding some Special Trick up his sleeve or something?

So I examined his Card like it was a Police ID and I was being told that I meet the description.

And all I found was more evidence of his ineptitude; namely his Passive. Check it out:

  • HEAL ON BLEED ~ This Hero regenerates 20 HP each time an enemy receives Bleed damage.

Yes, Balur’s Passive will grant you a whopping 20 HP every time an enemy Bleeds, which for most players is… near never.

-Hold up, nearly got by me. Balur in-fact inflicts Bleed damage for 3 turns! WOOOHOOOO! Tell Hulda to put the fat bugs away and hold all my calls! This guy’s breaking the Matrix here!

Look, I don’t wanna criticize Balur too much, but I suspect he was developed on Windows CE.

Pulling Balur is gonna feel like getting a half-filled box of popcorn at the Cinema (and she’s smiling back at you like it’s OK), or finding a new “lucky” stone at the beach, getting home, squeezing it, and realizing… it ain’t so lucky.

Balur is about as useful as a stringless guitar.

Alright, alright. Dissing ain’t getting us anywhere…

How Good is Balur? (Empires and Puzzles)

Balur is not good at all.

Unless you’re playing a completely different game that involves the counting of pixels on your screen. And in that case, I’d have to say, Balur is actually pretty average.

Balur is the type of Hero you hold for the Soul Exchange, or you slap and put back in.

Maybe HA10? Don’t know.

I guess if things get that sticky, you could always level him 😲.

I don’t care what you do with him, as long as you cover it up. Put a plaster on it or something.

Let’s get some stats out there and prove the point. Here we go:

BalurAve (10 tiles)450% to the target
MoraxAve (10 tiles)400% to the target and minor to NB ++ More
KaiVF (6.5 tiles)435% to the target ++ More
ErebusC1 (6 tiles)520% to the target ++ More – Balur compared to the pack

This is a joke, he’s not even trying.

Takes after some of my old work colleagues; lazy as f*#k.

Here I am, busting out a new Monster Island Guide, revamping Santa’s Challange for 2022, currently writing the Christmas post of all Christmas posts, meanwhile, this “soz, alarm didn’t go off” geeza over here is talking about 450% to one. Single. BloOdY. TaRGET!!!

Oh, behave.

That’s it, commentary is suspended. It’s Mon, 28th November 2022 and I’m officially abandoning this post. -Because surely they’re not gonna release him this way and all my jokes will be wasted.

I’ll see you on the 1st…


Beautiful! It happened. Let’s dive straight back in… Where did we leave off? Oh yeah, I remember:

…Balur is best intellectualized as the filthy stain you can’t quite wipe off!

He is to Gaming, what eggs are to farts.

To Winning, what a Sloth is to effort (no offence (none taken (peace (nice one (no worries (cool (did this joke already (don’t care, my joke init )))))))).

Balur’s Double Fail

Balur is a long way from even emulating a decent Hero.

Marjana, the Season 1 Hero, deals 458% damage to the target and the target also receives 300 Burn damage over 6 turns. All on a Fast Charge.

Marjana Empires and Puzzles Hero Card

Sartana, another Season 1 Hero, deals 452% damage to the target and the target also receives 294 Poison damage over 6 turns. Also on a Fast Charge.

Sartana Empires and Puzzles Hero Car

Marjana has 669 Attack, Sartana has 694, and the mighty Balur has 772. Morax (last month’s HotM) has 764 Attack, for reference.

Meanwhile, Kai has 840 Attack and Erebus has 807.

The only solid part of Balur’s build is his Element Link, -the Fiend immunity.

But that’s available from any number of previous 2022 HotMs, who are all better than Balur!

Balur at the Portal Empires and Puzzles

Balur Empires and Puzzles – Hero of the Month December 2022

My final thoughts:

For the record, I’m not really upset by this HOTM; it’s not that deep.

Although, it has been fun ribbing him.

At the end of the day, we’re gonna have bad Heroes of the Month and it does make some sense for one of the worst to appear in December (when we have a Seasonal Portal on).

That said, I don’t propose spending a whole heap of time and energy proving that Balur’s a weak, near-pointless, AVERAGE speed sniper.

-Just go into your roster and select any Hitter, and chances are, they’re better.

Of course, don’t burn him. There’s always something to do with a 5-Star. And heck, if you really wanna level him, go ahead! No one’s gonna hold it against you.

We’ll just take your cups 😁. (Unhand my cups! (I shan’t! (You shall! …)))

Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts on Balur!

How can you help me you ask? Share! Share like your life depends on it. Thank you kindly.

Hero Grade for Balur (Empires and Puzzles)

So for my grading, the question is:

Is this hero’s Special capable of/likely to change the outcome of a battle? No.

If not, do they still bring enough to the party to help defeat the deities? Double no.

Old Cynic’s Hero Grade: Meek

[Please always check in-game Hero Cards to confirm details and never chase Heroes]

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Copyright: (including initial images)
Images used by way of review/tutorial – Copyright owned by Empires & Puzzles: Small Giant Games

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  1. Yeah, I’m done laughing now. Wonderfully written, Mr Cynic! =D

    This guy managed to make me grant even Thorne a little respect back. And, a lot of people are probably going to end with a few of them on their roster as Xmas traditionally is the time of year spending goes up.

    Looking forward to the updated Xmas guide.

    1. Thanks for laughing Wifverdim, that’s the main thing!

      I’ve updated the Christmas Guide, here.

      Balur is bad and modern power stats aside, I really can’t see much use for him.

      Thanks for visiting!

      1. Great review as always, OC!
        Whenever there is a particularly not great HOTM, I tend to get double…this time I have gotten 4 thus far. I think one of them I just opened the portal to get my freebies for the day and he came running out begging me to play him…This may be the first time I actually use all my copies for soul exchange…well, okay…him and Klaern.

  2. Just did my freepull for CF2… and you geuessed it. i scored this wonderful piece of art alongside a copy of Noril.

    Could be worse, my blue roster isn´t that bad so i wont need him, and i got Alfrike from last SE therefore any kind of fodder for the next one is welcome;)

  3. feels like the strength of the hotm is based on how many people they expect to pull them and with the Christmas heroes and everyone dumping EHTs into it can’t have him be good.

    1. Hey Cris, thanks for the info. I have double-checked the UK version and it is still 20 HP. It might be a typo. He would be a bit stronger with 20% Heal per Bleed! Thanks again.

  4. Jajajaja en español dice 20% de la vida de curación por sangrado , lo haría un semi tanque interesante

    Translated: Hahahaha in Spanish it says 20% of the life of healing by bleeding, it would make an interesting semi tank

  5. Ok, ok..
    Let’s calm down, take a deep breath and let’s see.
    His attack ? Been said… we can”t argue.
    His stats ? Ok….he’s not bad. But he’s not good either.
    OoO his passive.
    Imagine, making a whole team of barbarians, all stacking bleed damages, + bleed heroes (like…tyr, or …. well… tyr ?).
    You’ll make a full team just made for this little guy, so he can gain… 100HP / Turn ! Youhouuu, we have the solution (and then, you get slapped, you wake up, and you trash this guy).
    🙂 Sorry Balur, but your princess is in another castle (faaaaaaaaar away from my deck)

  6. What can I say about my luck. I left a comment in your Klaern review how I got Klaern right on July 1st with just one pull. Well, I got Balur right on Dec 1st (though with a 10 pull). My luck is awesome with meek heroes, lol.

    1. 🎉🎊🥳 Congrats Gobi 😁

      Soul Exchange or HA10… There’s actually a request to buff him on the Forum but I wouldn’t hold out much hope.

      Thanks for sharing, Gobi!

  7. Ok did we get spoiled or are the Hotm-segment spiralling downwards into utter uselessness?
    I cant really say i value Hotm anymore, and in all honesty the ones i still use are pretty, pretty specific in their skillset.

    Hotms overall are in lack of better words the diet coke of heroes and are lacking those last inches of the full yard.

    if i were to review Balur it would be a 4 words pretty much in this order:
    -Balur is quite poo….

    He doest carry his own weight, and he doesnt synergise with others..
    Take his cousin Tahir.. not quite an ace either, but at fast speed he makes way more sense..
    Pair Tahir with Vanda and you will have a fast sniper dealing 525% damage and keeps you free from parasites..

    Balur is weak and uninteresting… and belong in the bottom 10list of hotms.

    1. 😁 Hey Cougar, I think it’s just him. Normally, they try to get to the Archangel level but I’m guessing with all the events on this month, Balur was the fall guy… At least, I hope that’s the case coz HotM are important of course.

      ‘Balur is weak and uninteresting’ – That he is. The boring part is strong with him. I mean, the bleed damage passive, if you’re a bleeder, is a little something… but… 🤷

      Thanks for sharing.

  8. They probably released a really bad December hero because people will be summoning on Christmas more than any other time of the year, and they don’t want everyone to have a hero that plays well with the current meta. So yeah it’s like they’re giving you Balur as a Christmas gift for the next Soul Exchange.

  9. I mean isn’t this basically another cash grab hotm so unplayable that odds of summoning something good basically 25% less.

  10. 2 Balur in my roster. I dont even bother to lock them. Straight into next SE. lol. Ever since the great Telluria & Vela nerf incident, SG have rarely make any GREAT Hotm. Its all Meek or Warrior or some Archangel. Never a Deity. When people heard Hero Of The Month, people would usually thought ” Owh… that must be awesome, maybe for that month, he / she would be the most powerpul hero”. Nope. Instead, we got “mehhhh, most likely another shitty hero for the SE”. Its been a while since the last time I got excited about new HOTM coming up. you know what, the one I got excited the most is the one that I actually didnt get (DEVANA). LOL

  11. Hey,

    i like your cynic descriptions. In fact we had the same translation-fail in the passive1 in germany.
    But the passive 1 now is korrect regenerating 20 PERCENT HP each round an enemy receives bleed damage.

    I think that Balur now might be a nice Tank for beginners.

  12. I really thought, “That’s it??” after reading his card. Balur should have been released on April first and replaced by the real HOTM the next day because this hero is indeed a joke. Hits ONE on average mana. That hit should at least be 700% or something at average speed. Offensive! Hahaha.

  13. I had saved up 27 hero coins for december to go deep into trying to pull a holiday 5 star hero. (Actually had all but Pengi from last year, been at this awhile).

    How many of the coins I would spend to NOT pull Balur is a debate I must have (I pulled him twice actually). There are many heroes who have sat on the far end of the bench because I already have one, or they are really good but I already have someone better filling their specialty. Balur reminds me of 1st release Salmon Loki. You struggle to figure out what you did in a previous life, and bemoan why you must carry the burden now.

    B ut someday the SE will come, and then we can try and forget.

    1. Congratulations on the x2 Balurs! 🎉🎊🥳 You saved someone else from pulling that one! You should put it on your Tax-returns as a charity donation. [This is a joke, -I am not an accountant 😁]

  14. When I first saw Balur’s skills, I didn’t think he was that bad.

    But then you compared him to Marjana and Sartana, both Classic heroes and the latter also being considered (by you) to be a hard pass in any sort of exchange program. That’s when I realised just how badly he sucks.

    1. I got him yesterday while clearing my 3 Costume Summons. I’m deciding whether to put him into HA10 or save him for SE – I still don’t have enough Legendary heroes to get anything from the latter.

  15. Hej OC!
    If you’d have to choose, who do you think is better: Salmon Loki or Balur? Tbh I think Balur is slightly better, because its REALLY hard to be worse than Salmon, but I wonder what do you think 🙂

  16. Fantastic review!! Thank you for the morning laugh! I just pulled him with today’s free winter fun epic hero token! I got super excited for a moment because I usually only get slow hero’s, so I was like… average! Woohoo! Merry Christmas to me! But then I read his info, got a little confused at first because he’s like… not very good, and then I realized Santa just gave me a lump of coal for being Jewish! Well thanks a lot Small Giant! Way to rub it in a bit more, one last shitty gift for the last day of Chanukah! The best part about pulling Balur was getting to read your fabulous review! 💕

  17. Merry Christmas !
    How are u ? I need your help please !
    Between Horus, Papyros, Kara, Onatel, Vivica 2nd costume , Akkorog, Hanitra , Inari who would u choose to ascend ? Can t decide
    I already have Mica , Prof Lidenbrock, Sif, Drake Fong costume, Uraeus, Anne, Bay Yong , Joon costume and Leonidas costume all leveled to the max !
    Let me know what u think ! Thank you

        1. Horus is my pick from those. 250 to 3 at VF is silly. +Health reduction. +Passive.

          If you don’t have a Taunt elsewhere, it’s a powerful skill to have at Ave (ref to Kara). Of course, please get opinions from elsewhere too. Congrats on the cool Heroes!

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