Balur is the Empires and Puzzles December 2022 Hero Of The Month (HotM), and thank the lord they released him this way, coz I already got this thing down based on his Beta data. And yes, this Hero is about as useful as dial-up is to Netflix, or Fax is to phone-***!
Lock the doors and turn off the lights, coz this fool is about to get rinsed!
Caveat: This post contains gameplay speculation and personal opinion. It may also contain adult comedy, sarcasm, and Human error. It is not advice and is solely for entertainment and informational purposes.
Balur‘s Stats and Special Skills (Hero Of The Month)
Key Facts: Ice (Blue), Average, Fighter, Legends 2022
Special Skills (Double Flail Mayhem): 1. Deals 450% damage to the target. 2. The target receives 252 Bleed damage over 3 turns. 3. [Element Link] All Ice allies are immune to new Fiends for 4 turns (can not be dispelled).
Passive: 1. RESIST ATTACK AILMENTS ~ This character has innate resistance against Status Ailments that affect attack. 2. HEAL ON BLEED ~ This Hero regenerates 20 HP each time an enemy receives Bleed damage.
Talent: Revive ~ +30% chance to revive with 1 HP after a fatal attack. The revive is applied at the end of the turn.
Legends 2022 Family Bonus: 1/2/3 Heroes: +10%/+15%/+20% attack. Bonus for 2+ Heroes: Element Link affects all allies.
Balur Vs. Old Cynic
You gotta admit it, I got Klaern pretty bad. But Balur feels different; like an open invitation to Roast him.
And it makes me a little suspicious.
Got me stepping back and surveying the scene like, “is this guy really that bad?”. Is he hiding some Special Trick up his sleeve or something?
So I examined his Card like it was a Police ID and I was being told that I meet the description.
And all I found was more evidence of his ineptitude; namely his Passive. Check it out:
- HEAL ON BLEED ~ This Hero regenerates 20 HP each time an enemy receives Bleed damage.
Yes, Balur’s Passive will grant you a whopping 20 HP every time an enemy Bleeds, which for most players is… near never.
-Hold up, nearly got by me. Balur in-fact inflicts Bleed damage for 3 turns! WOOOHOOOO! Tell Hulda to put the fat bugs away and hold all my calls! This guy’s breaking the Matrix here!
Look, I don’t wanna criticize Balur too much, but I suspect he was developed on Windows CE.
Pulling Balur is gonna feel like getting a half-filled box of popcorn at the Cinema (and she’s smiling back at you like it’s OK), or finding a new “lucky” stone at the beach, getting home, squeezing it, and realizing… it ain’t so lucky.
Balur is about as useful as a stringless guitar.
Alright, alright. Dissing ain’t getting us anywhere…
How Good is Balur? (Empires and Puzzles)
Balur is not good at all.
Unless you’re playing a completely different game that involves the counting of pixels on your screen. And in that case, I’d have to say, Balur is actually pretty average.
Balur is the type of Hero you hold for the Soul Exchange, or you slap and put back in.
Maybe HA10? Don’t know.
I guess if things get that sticky, you could always level him 😲.
I don’t care what you do with him, as long as you cover it up. Put a plaster on it or something.
Let’s get some stats out there and prove the point. Here we go:
|Balur||Ave (10 tiles)||450% to the target|
|Morax||Ave (10 tiles)||400% to the target and minor to NB ++ More|
|Kai||VF (6.5 tiles)||435% to the target ++ More|
|Erebus||C1 (6 tiles)||520% to the target ++ More|
This is a joke, he’s not even trying.
Takes after some of my old work colleagues; lazy as f*#k.
Here I am, busting out a new Monster Island Guide, revamping Santa’s Challange for 2022, currently writing the Christmas post of all Christmas posts, meanwhile, this “soz, alarm didn’t go off” geeza over here is talking about 450% to one. Single. BloOdY. TaRGET!!!
That’s it, commentary is suspended. It’s Mon, 28th November 2022 and I’m officially abandoning this post. -Because surely they’re not gonna release him this way and all my jokes will be wasted.
I’ll see you on the 1st…
Beautiful! It happened. Let’s dive straight back in… Where did we leave off? Oh yeah, I remember:
…Balur is best intellectualized as the filthy stain you can’t quite wipe off!
He is to Gaming, what eggs are to farts.
To Winning, what a Sloth is to effort (no offence (none taken (peace (nice one (no worries (cool (did this joke already (don’t care, my joke init )))))))).
Balur’s Double Fail
Balur is a long way from even emulating a decent Hero.
Marjana, the Season 1 Hero, deals 458% damage to the target and the target also receives 300 Burn damage over 6 turns. All on a Fast Charge.
Sartana, another Season 1 Hero, deals 452% damage to the target and the target also receives 294 Poison damage over 6 turns. Also on a Fast Charge.
Marjana has 669 Attack, Sartana has 694, and the mighty Balur has 772. Morax (last month’s HotM) has 764 Attack, for reference.
The only solid part of Balur’s build is his Element Link, -the Fiend immunity.
But that’s available from any number of previous 2022 HotMs, who are all better than Balur!
Balur Empires and Puzzles – Hero of the Month December 2022
My final thoughts:
For the record, I’m not really upset by this HOTM; it’s not that deep.
Although, it has been fun ribbing him.
At the end of the day, we’re gonna have bad Heroes of the Month and it does make some sense for one of the worst to appear in December (when we have a Seasonal Portal on).
That said, I don’t propose spending a whole heap of time and energy proving that Balur’s a weak, near-pointless, AVERAGE speed sniper.
-Just go into your roster and select any Hitter, and chances are, they’re better.
Of course, don’t burn him. There’s always something to do with a 5-Star. And heck, if you really wanna level him, go ahead! No one’s gonna hold it against you.
We’ll just take your cups 😁. (Unhand my cups! (I shan’t! (You shall! …)))
Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts on Balur!
How can you help me you ask? Share! Share like your life depends on it. Thank you kindly.
Hero Grade for Balur (Empires and Puzzles)
So for my grading, the question is:
Is this hero’s Special capable of/likely to change the outcome of a battle? No.
If not, do they still bring enough to the party to help defeat the deities? Double no.
Old Cynic’s Hero Grade: Meek
[Please always check in-game Hero Cards to confirm details and never chase Heroes]
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